Human Testing
by NitroStation
Summary: In the ruins of Aperture, the infamous GLaDOS is rediscovered and captured for a different kind of testing... Android characters, GLaDOS x Wheatley, some Adventure Sphere flirting and no Chell HIATUS
1. Chapter 1

_If there's one thing there's not enough of in the world, it's GLaDOS X Wheatley fanfics._  
><em>I'll say it right now, I do not like Chelly. At all.<em>  
><em>So... yes. Definite WheatOS and some implied Adventure Sphere GLaDOS. ANDROID PEOPLE._

_EDIT 1/12/12: WHY ARE YOU PEOPLE READING THIS_

_GO HOME_

_YOU ARE DRUNK_

xx

My days were simple. I just tested. Nobody flirted with me. Or put me in a humanoid body. Or locked me in a room with morons. I had a pretty good life.  
>But then they showed up. Those primitive, idiotic humans.<br>First they took Orange and Blue. Right in the middle of testing, nonetheless. How rude. Not to mention inefficient. They probed the whole facility, poking their hideous beaked scent detectors in every room, niche and crevice, until eventually they reached me.  
>They didn't even give me any time to activate the harmless neurotoxin. Did these humans know what manners were? To their credit though, they were surprisingly well-prepared for bald monkeys. An obese male of the species severed from my mainframe. Probably the most insulting moment of my life. Other than having a plethora of cores clinging to me, of course.<br>My sight receptors malfunctioned at some point, so I spent the next few endless hours blind and confused, which was a first. A very unpleasant first.  
>I felt something lurch and vile human hands grabbing me. Greasy fingerprints all over me, oh it makes me shudder with the mere memory. To add the metaphorical insult to injury, I was overwhelmed by incoherent ape babble.<br>Whatever they were saying, it was draining my very power supply. Just as well I went into Sustained Sleep Mode at some point. Sweet mercy, if only for a few hours.

xx

"It seems that this is some sort of Personality Drive, a self-aware computer unit," The head scientist concluded. At his side, his young intern seemed nervous.  
>"What should we do with it, doc? I mean, aren't self-aware computers supposed to be evil or something?" The interns words were met with good-natured laughter.<br>"You've been watching too many sci-fi movies. No, I believe this is just what's needed for the newest project." The younger scientist still seemed confused. "I never heard about any project," he stated.

"Yes, yes. It's a rather unofficial secret," the older human dismissed it casually. "I assume your familiar with androids? Humanoid robots?"  
>"Oh, absolutely sir!" the intern answered enthusiastically.<br>"Then I believe you'll rather like this venture."  
>"Sir!" The front desk secretary yelled down the intercom speaker to the head scientist.<p>

"No need to shout. What's the problem?"

"We have another delivery from the Aperture facility, some new finds in the basement of the building." New arrivals were always a promising sign around the laboratory. The professor rushed down to the front entrance. He performed the formal greetings, handshakes and whatnot. Pointing to a large crate behind him, the first man said;  
>"Doctor, we've continued to scout the foundations of Aperture, as per the the terms of the study warrant, and we discovered more technology." Curious, the scientist walked calmly forward and went to open the crate, just as another man advised, "A word of warning, they are quite loud." The lid was already off when the scientist comprehended the words. By then, however, the noise had erupted from the strange celestial spheres.<p>

_"SPAAAAAAAAAAAACE!"_  
><em>"Whooooaah, what the bloody hell is going on here?"<em>  
><em>"Now that was what I call an adventure! Let's go again!"<em>  
><em>"There is a 80.3% possibility that we are on Earth."<em>

xx

_Thoughts are craved from anyone who reads, suggestions and other critique encouraged. In the next chapter, I'll move onto ANDROID PEOPLE._


	2. Chapter 2

_HOLY STARDUST ON A STICK. One chapter should not get this many reviews!_

_IT'S NOT LOGICAL I TELL YOU!_

_Nevertheless, thank you all for your favourites and reviews, they make me feel all warm and fuzzy /)^3^(\_

xx

After the darkness lifted, I wasn't sure whether I would die of shock or embarrassment. On all sides were men in white coats gawking at me. It was so degrading, and it didn't help that I had tubes and wires crawling out from me. I couldn't move my optical sensors, or any part of me. My mouth stay- wait... _mouth_? That one realization was enough to send my electrical nerves into meltdown. Quite literally, from the sounds of the blaring sirens and flashing red lights on the ceiling.

A group of men walked up to some device; an operating console. I couldn't see behind said console, which only further aggravated me. Eventually the lab-monkeys silenced the facility and just looked at me.

'_Are you actually going to do something or just stand there like helpless children?' _was my only calm thought. I didn't want to think about my new _mouth_.

The humans then started talking, too quiet for me to hear. One of them pressed a button, or something, and I was dropped rather ungracefully to the floor. I heard myself grunt in a horrifyingly _human_-way. The wires and tubes still dangled above me, and I was now able to move. First what humans would call my head; I seemed to be in some sort of enclosure, trapped like some moronic zoo animal, encased within a plastic prison. The lab monkeys still gaped like goldfish from behind the transparent plastic, scribbling away on their clipboards.

While I had been scanning the environment, I seemed to grow taller. A strange occurrence, to say the least. At my sides I felt some strange appendages. Only after lifting them into my field of vision did I understand the true horror.

The humans had sculpted me into some twisted version of them. Complete with arms, fingers, legs and the like.

I took a staggering step with my new legs, my logic instincts on the brink of shorting out. My optical senses, or 'eyes', frequently experienced a split-second moment of darkness. Blinking, as the humans put it. I stretched a hand out in front of me, flexed the individual fingers in astonishment.

One of the white-coats nodded, almost in approval. Then, one by one the humans filed out of the room. And I was left to my devices.

* * *

><p>"<strong>Holland!"<strong> a gruff voice shouted in the white lab. **"Are those other personality cores ready?" **Another scientist, Holland, turned to face the speaker, a nervous expression on his face. **"The bodies are ready for conversion, but I have my doubts about these cores. They seem rather..." **he searched for the right word. **"Eccentric?" **The other, rougher man grunted in frustration. "**You heard the boss! No matter how abnormal they are, they need to be converted **_**today!**_**"**

"Yes yes, I remember," Holland sighed as he typed away at one of the consoles. A large portion of the all slid away to reveal four test-tubes, an android body floating in each one. To the side were the four spheres that had arrived to the labs a week ago. They were all deactivated, and being hooked up to various wires that connected to the tubes. Holland pressed a combination of buttons on the console and the cores suddenly awoke. The 'eyes' of the spheres looked around frantically and the wires started sparking. The androids inside the test tube were jerking about violently as the experiment reached it's end. The cores shut down again, and the androids lit up with colours of orange, blue, green and pink.

"Success!"the bigger scientist proclaimed.

xx

_My fingers hurt...aaaaahhh..._


	3. Chapter 3

A large human group soon returned, rolling four cylinders full of liquid through the doors. Strange mortal behaviour did not concern me, so I dutifully ignored them. Until they had the nerve to intrude on my new haven and leave the tubes scattered at the corners of the prison. I would have sighed if I knew how. The humans fiddled with their primitive buttons and switches until, to my surprise, the tubes opened and the vile liquid spilled out. Another four human-robot things. But they seemed...familiar. The light coloured glows coming from them, I'd seen them before somewhere. Blue, green, orange and pink. All four seemed dormant, the eyes closed over, still as useless statues. Then, one by one, the eyes whirred online and they stepped precariously out of the tubes. They stood blinking like morons, gazing around. The lab-monkeys nodded again, and filed out of the chamber.

"This wasn't space, where was space? I was in space, now I'm not. Wanna go back. Wanna go back. Space, wanna go. Go back. Don't like earth, it's boring. Earth's boring. Wanna go. Wanna wear my spacesuit. Can't wear spacesuit on earth."

Oh great. The orange one was rambling about...space... wait a minute. The space core, was also orange. And the green one, that looked like the corrupt adventure core. That made the pink one the fact core, and the blue one...oh god. Not him. Anyone but hi-

"Right, glass plastic...stuff, lot's of white paint, some robot things. Including me... hmm, that's different. Oh, hi again! It's you, the... crazy homicidal system- look, all that stuff about me _'taking over the facility'_ and_ 'putting you in a potato'_, could we maybe-"

I didn't let him finish it, not with my fingers gripping his humanoid throat. The mortal gagging noises somehow satisfied me. The orange one was still rabbiting about space, and the green one was running towards me.

"Hold on, partner! I'll save you!" he claimed uselessly as he lunged at my hands. Pathetic, I flick him off in a instant.

"There is a 83.9% chance that she will suffocate you in the next 2 minutes." That disturbed me. I didn't want to kill him...yet. Reluctantly, I let go and watched as he gasped for air (as if he actually needed it).

"That was a close one, guy! Good thing I was here!**"** the green adventure...robot gushed. I rolled my eyes and groaned inside. I was stuck with these morons... until I could formulate a plan for escape.

xx

_Next chapter may come VERY slowly, I've got a lot of stuff to do lately as well as a few more story ideas to write out. Still, I hope this will keep you at bay until I can get the next one written! :P_


End file.
